12.12.05

When I philosophize I take many little problems and focus mainly on attempting to solve them. They, however, are almost impossible to solve with the knowledge I have at the moment.

For example: When I was trying to learn about summation manipulation, I attempted to separate two sums, when in fact the objective of the lesson (here in an Algebra II book) was to simply acknowledge the syntax of the notation, and some simple properties it possesses.

So my questions are:

1. Do I, in contemplation of what I have to do, replace the larger issues with such pesky little problems, that I leave myself no brain space to function like a normal human?

2. Am I really required to understand exactly how to separate summation right now?

3. Do I leave what I'm asked to do (as often happens – I forget the task assigned in order to fulfill a dream of an accomplishment of a task I have set for myself during the beginning stages of my assigned duty) and attempt to explore the unexplored, alone, with no resources, already dismayed for my lack of recent success and a reigning regime of failure controlling my life?

The saying is simple in words:

1. "Take focus in the large tasks at hand, care about learning something permanent, something you can pull up at a dinner party."
2. "Work life as a chore or a RPG when it gets tough; don't follow everyone, nor be their slave for attention, LEAD!"

However, the actions are difficult. When I walk into a room full of people talking about different things, and I begin to have trouble with whatever I'm doing, almost immediately thoughts of my damned future strike me. I see myself failing academically, working some low wage job. This must be one of my largest fears because of its chronic reoccurrences.