03.11.06

Time again when I continue to stubbornly study and attempt to control my displeasure, increase my infatuations, block my distractions, grasp a conceptual meaning from the material I increase my strength for next time I attempt the same. Eventually I will increase my ability to not be affected by a failure emotionally, & my ability to separate what I don’t know (caused by confusion from a false conjecture or other means . . .) from what I do know an d am already practiced and capable of, so much that the two actions (#1: using what I know in a non-biased way to calmly and unemotionally conclude simple other truths, which I can relate to other truths I know and #2: becoming confused, tired and unable to draw any conclusions by simple processes from what I know) so much that they will be separate events. This will also allow me to keep up my motivation, and fears of failure and failure will mean nothing, they will simply happen; allowing me to concentrate on what I know and allow the magical brain to conglomerate the material when I sleep or am distracted by other activities ( like social ones, which is why I love social meetings so much; they detract me from only my own worries very well allowing my emotional state to recuperate from the depths of depression it usually succumbs to when I cannot face a failure as just a separate event and question everything etc.) eventually leading me to conclusions which I seek now, but not in the previous disastrously emotionally unhealthy ways.
The most important thing is to live up to my morals, each and every day, as though I am practicing them, which I literally am. (unfinished entry)