03.08.06

What makes intellectual pursuit a physical activity, and this too makes it more manageable, is the suppression of thoughts one knows cannot be good for the success of activities, but ones which pursue tenaciously. Those thoughts, one must treat as exercise. If there is enough strength in the brain by previous exercise then the brain will win over this, and perhaps gain a little more. If there is not, then the brain will fail and try until it does, each time in the failing though will bring the strength of the brain further. With each fault it will grow more, and one of the next tries will result in a similar growth, no more different than any other growth of strength experienced in the times of pursuit of that success, which inevitable ended in non success therefore called a “pursuit” of it, but with that growth will come the added bonus of the SUCCESS itself. This will in itself bring motivational energy, love, appreciation, and perhaps passion for the work, and like a greed drive the individual to attempt to increase the strength of oneself to the next level by again trenching through the path of failures in order to gain strength for the success. Now importantly, failures are not naturally dismal, somber, sullen moods, in fact they are no different than the moods of success, which are motivated by previous successes. The outcome of the act is not what matters, it is the act itself, and this will seem utterly depressing to one who cannot fathom its true meaning in a state of being outside his or her normal dismal world, but in truth those who suffer this, know there is another meaning to this saying than pure trudging, mindless, boredom bringing work. In fact there is a sense of wholeness, completeness whilst thinking about it, and perhaps not so strongly when doing the act, but still never a hopeless demeanor to the situation. If one is encountered, then it is of the utmost importance and necessary that one follow the guideline mentioned above, the dismissal of such feeling and emotion, religiously and thoroughly so as not to allow those emotions to wreck the life into an abyss of depression, from which only the pursuit of impulses and their leading temptations can absolve one (as conceptualized by Lord Henry in Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Grey”).
Perhaps, too, it is wise in this manner to keep the evil from lurking out of one’s mind, which is inevitably so because opinions brought about by intellect and further prejudice are the markers of the loss of newborn innocence and dutifully signal the arise of a human who like peers cannot stray but to attempt to impose thoughts and advice onto others, especially if those are ones he only dreams or wishes upon. And in keeping this evil outside the mind, elongate the time spent feeling bliss and thus elate the soul and conscience for further challenge the world may spill forth. Furthermore, other paradigms of changes in the mood, and one in obvious, is the weather, which indubitably changes with the mood and can be a foreboding to a person as a divination into one’s day.

I have found a connection, intriguing in the least, and more exiting among my inexhaustible and paranoid need to recheck my previous work while solving a physics problem, my inability to restrain the though and imagination of my cognition, and my constant and nagging repetitive recollection of past deemed “failures” I have experienced. The connection is simple, an overzealous dwelling on the past preventing concentration of the present. Explicitly, in the last situation remembered above, the obvious is there, I cannot halt the thought of a chronic ailment to my intellectual and cognitive furtherance. The proper way to approach the dilemma involves the acceptance of a non understanding, which evidently my brain prefers ( as was mentioned in this initial month’s writing when speaking about the understanding in learning and its exponentiation by my attendance of Mrs. Dudo’s calculus class) and allow the thought to simmer taking hold of the information while not deliberately trying to force nor pry any subterranean understandings or conclusions from it. When simmered, the thoughts will normally spring like jump to the surface and expose themselves at amazingly relevant times, and will be further aided in this process by formidable restfulness in my psyche along the way immensely. Now if I do choose to pursue a portion of the problem, the portion must be quite specific, like the connection between Dorian Grey’s mirror and which I realize by referring back to the text to be “his beauty”. The pursuit of such a specific, will immediately out of habit seem tedious to me and induce an unwelcome twinge in my stomach, however this is where I must recollect myself and disallow impending the pathways of such thoughts and by interfering strive to eliminate all existence of such thought to liberate a freedom in my pursuit of the definition. Once finished, then the deliberation, without much hypothetical raking, can resume. Of a second practice, the act will indubitably stir other feelings, if one does not allow for the chronic regurgitation of previous agenda, and by doing so allow for a broadening of understanding the concept, or material written about, after all, as I will now explain, I rationalize by seeing this type of manipulation and extension of a material, which allows for connections to many other relevant areas over the span of time between sessions and concentrated those sessions to provide . To provide me the ability for comprehension a subject must be filled with examples in which I can analyze the relationships of the general concepts presented at a practical level and furthermore, the manipulation, correct, and incorrect, of details. In a sense this fills the abstractness of the concept with a reality, which is tangible and operable.

I have often dreamed that I will once deliberate a solution regarding the insatiable instability of my moods, and what a blessing this would be. Indeed, I acknowledge that this will be a most generous blessing similar to the ability of visually retelling an event.

The beauty of physics is that of logical deduction. Say an object is traveling in a circle. This tells one much about the object, more than one can dream of. By simply existing in a circular path an object’s speed and the radius of that circle become intimately related by a simple formula. Furthermore the mere act of revolving tells that the net force of an object must point toward the center of this circle!

Although this new idea of suppressing diminutive ideas keeps the serenity of the before held mood, I feel as though my creative side is blocked, numbed is quite fitting, dull, unresponsive; my mind feels callused, unable to provide old information as accurately or sporadically as before (but controlling the temper, however I think this should be balanced between rationale and unhindered randomness), in a shadow, unable to process new ideas about information I’ve just herd (but keeps the emotional stomach pangs at bay) Also when I think of these thoughts, I reason that my subconscious creates them in a higher level attempt to persuade me to think them because if I feel de-motivated with this new plan I will begin questioning it, exactly what I’m trying to prevent, therefore I am forced to believe that this is only a first because I’m so unfamiliar with this silencing technique. Perhaps the better idea would be to allow myself this randomness I’m used to, which is indubitably followed by strong emotion, or so I presume ( perhaps not . . . ), and take control when the feelings start to produce in me a depressed phenomenon. However, I am frightened of letting go my current post, even though the benefits holding it seem less inviting by the minute as explained above, because of what I stated in previous paragraphs: hold the feelings constant as long as possible, and by the fact that I might not be able to recapture them once I allow this sporadic nature, and that I’ve not seen how they truly work to decide because I’ve only observed them for one hour maximum thus far, and (disconnected w/ something)