06.05.05

- I have figured out why it is that I constantly talk to myself . . .

I am very audibly dependant for memory! I seem to not be able to

remember other ways nearly as well, probably attributed to all of

the languages I know, and learned as a kid. This, however, can be

a great hindrance to me, it limits my abilities greatly, and only

exposes the audio side of my brain to any training, leaving the

rest behind.

- Many people write because they are not audibly dependant . . .

however, since I am so dependant I even talk to myself while

I'm writing, causing me to forget my "thoughts", which need to

be expressed in some way (that could be only writing).

- I also seem to remember info and process it much later on

- I must be content with something and stop being so greedy. This goes

not for material things but for my feelings in a situation. I can't

always be the #1, know it all guy; I especially won't when I do these

silly little depression runs.

- There's no reason to sit back and feel warm inside, while you think

that the other ppl are going to cover for you (like in a soccer

match - the defense cannot simply stay back and "watch" the game,

they have to be participating)

- Life is never fun if you don't take risks, and try to play the game

at your best. Sometimes you just have to forget about all the elements

and concentrate on the actual play of the game (like in a really cold

soccer match)

- When I try to learn a new technology I'm not trying to do some

inconceivable task that has never done before, and even if I was

paramount anxiety is no way to approach the matter, that simply puts

the wrong light on the scene, and makes me feel horrible. (Duh I hate

feeling horrible, but sometimes I wonder if I really do; especially

when I become sad all the time!)

- There's no substitute for confidence, and with it the acceptance of

the outcomes of failure. Really how bad can putting a cold ice cream

on your stomach be? Think about how you'll feel afterwards.

- When you go back to a task, there needs to be no recollection of the

misery you experienced last time, that would be pointless

- As I try to do too many things, after doing some and not recording

what I'd like to do, I end up forgetting most of what I'd like to

do, in addition to experiencing the constant frustration or failure.